Tips for improving student writing
The scaffolding documents included here help students write gripping introductions, thoughtful conclusions, organized body paragraphs, and sophisticated sourcing (or historiography paragraphs. Together, they help improve students argumentative or research writing.
Introduction: Here is a document to help students develop a practice I call the "magical camera" which creates a vivid, gripping hook and then transitions into a discussion of the topic, question, and claim/thesis.
Here is an example of one student's magical camera introduction. Notice the transition sentence in bold that moves from the magical camera "hook" to the larger topic:
It is 1955 and a young girl in a tutu stares at her reflection in a mirror. She smooths out the wrinkles in her white costume and greases back the fly-away hairs from her bun. Tears begin to well in her eyes as she takes one final glance at the one reflection with which she is familiar. She holds her breath and she picks up the sponge and powder sitting on her dresser. Layer by layer, she presses and plasters her skin with the color of snow. She becomes itchy and uncomfortable but knows that she must stand still in order for the powder settle on her dark skin. She looks in the mirror at the ghost standing before her. Blinking away the tears, she waits for her cue.
From Jackie Robinson to Barack Obama, America has witnessed the historical rise of exceptional African Americans who have achieved success in their respective fields, but the contributions and efforts of African Americans who have made strides in American dance, like the Ballerina above, are often not recognized. Because our society values entertainment in various forms, it is important for us to recognize how history has shaped these art forms. Equally critical, we must acknowledge the hardships that black dancers experienced and still confront today as they struggle to take the stage alongside predominantly white dancers and largely white audiences. Although several influential figures such as Alvin Ailey promoted equality in dance through the creation of opportunities that embraced traditional African dance, other art forms such as ballet have been “resistant to evolve beyond its roots as an elite, rigidly European art form” (Woodard). Despite the fact that the number of black dancers in American dance companies is slowly increasing, many forms of dance -- ballet in particular -- are far from being accepting and inclusive of African Americans.
Here is another example from a student's paper on WWI trench warfare:
Powerful rain showers continue to flood trenches along the Western Front. The bare feet of soldiers are rooted to the swampy ground below, making any movement an elusive task. Explosions are heard coming from all directions, as the screams from wounded soldiers continue to intensify. While rats swim between soldiers legs, the powerful smell of rotting human flesh cause many to collapse. This description highlights only a small piece of what trenches were like during World War I. Beginning in 1914, an army’s infantry spent most of their time inside of these confined spaces. While there was variety to the trenches, all of them managed to share one common element: A nightmarish lifestyle. Although many outsiders claimed that the trenches were wonderfully built structures, elaborate enough to protect the soldiers within, little did they know of the many horrors that soldiers endured within their habitation. Although trenches were strategically structured, and provided limited safety during battle, life within them was essentially unimaginable; The weather was detrimental, vermin seized the living space, and powerful explosions gave soldiers shell-shock. A soldier who spent merely one month in the trenches inevitably went home changed forever; both their mind and body completely deteriorated. What aspects of trench life could have possibly caused so much physical and mental damage? The combination of miserable weather, intruding rodents, and the bombardment of weaponry, worked together to cause depression, disease, shell-shock, and death. These horrific effects on the soldiers’ well-being ultimately made life unbearable during WWI.